A month has passed since I wrote my first Trying to Conceive update and I had hoped to update a little more regularly but everything’s just sort of……..stopped.
The waiting for an appointment at the hospital or for one of those super swimmers to reach an egg is comparable to walking up the downwards escalator.
Can you tell I’m feeling negative today??
A very close person to me has recently found out she’s pregnant after nigh on a decade of suffering from Polycystic Ovaries and absent periods. When she found out she was pregnant she’d not had a period for a few months. So I guess never say ‘never’.
Having a third baby means so much more to me than just expanding the family. It would signify the end of a chapter that I’d like to lock shut forever. A new beginning, fresh thoughts, new goals and a passion for life. It’s been well over a year now and I am still sat in the waiting room.
So much, in my mind, hinges on when I get pregnant. Imagine sitting and watching the lottery draw with an endless stream of tickets….that.
Everyday I sit in my little office at home and watch the postie pull up in his little Red van. It stops literally outside my office window and I never really know whether to raise a smile, wave or just pretend I don’t see him. Wondering if I’ll be opening a hospital appointment is all I can think about for those few moments but when he walks by without stopping at our house it’s like a right kick in the teeth.
But, at the same time I’m anxious.
What if, after my laparoscopy, I’m told I can’t or will struggle to conceive naturally? What then? Do I pretend I don’t want another child? Do we save up for IVF?
I’ve always tried to maintain that what will be will be and what happens in life usually happens for a reason so why throw money at something or someone that’s not here? That money could buy my son his first car or my daughters first year at university.
I’ll tell you why. Because I feel like someone is missing. I’ve imagined that tiny person in my arms so many times they’re almost real and I already miss them.
Oh lovely 🙁 I don’t know what to say because I have no idea what you are going through, but it sucks. xx
Author
Thanks for your comment Rachel. It’s just good for me to get it out there instead of stewing on these thoughts. x
I could have very easily written this post myself! We are going through the same trying to conceive number 2. It took us so long to get pregnant first time I never thought in a million years I would want to put us through it again but exactly as you say I do not feel like my family is complete.
Good Luck xx
Author
Hey Jennifer
Sorry to hear you’re struggling too. It’s just so hard some days. Usually I feel upbeat and positive but some days the pessimist just gets the better of me. I conceived really quickly with my previous two (within a month or two) so it really is frustrating me. Good luck and best wishes x
Aw, that last paragraph made me well up, such a precise explanation. We didn’t go through it for as long as you have, but I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. Hoping to hear some positive news for you soon xx
Author
Thanks Tash. In the meantime I’ll be entertained by reading your blog so keep going 🙂 x
I’m so sorry lovely. We are currently TTC #2 as well. We have had a few mishaps, which is sad, but I’m just holding onto the fact that it will happen one day! You seem to be so strong, I couldn’t find the words to put it in a blogpost! I will have everything crossed for you. #mmwbh xx
Author
Thank you so much Sophie for your kind words. You’re stronger then you realise. I find writing it down actually helps. I could never speak to someone in the way in which I write. Sending baby dust to you #mmwbh x
Oh hunny I am so sorry and sending you virtual hugs. I have had best friends going through it a few times too. It’s a tough time I think you are brave and so strong to share your experience and story here so others can read, relate and know they are not alone too. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With me. #sharewithme
Author
Hi Jenny – thanks for stopping by. It kind of makes me feel better to share it on here – it’s like talking to someone I guess, gets it off my chest. x
I won’t pretend i know what your going through as i don’t, but it must be so frustrating for you and feel like you are living in limbo. Fingers crossed you get your appointment soon or a positive test result x #sharewithme
Author
Thanks Lindsay – that sums it up nicely – LIMBO! Hopefully I will soon be a mum of three x
Hi Caroline, I’ve just found your blog from a link on Donnas (What The Redhead Said) and had to comment when I read this. Believe me when I say I know exactly what you’re going through. We have been trying for a second child for almost two and a half years and had a failed IVF attempt a couple of months ago. I have unexplained infertility which is the most frustrating part. I want someone to give me a reason as to why this isn’t happening. I know that feeling that someone is missing, that your family isn’t quite complete, I feel it every day. Sending lots of love xxx
Author
Thank you so much for this lovely, heart felt comment. My heart really goes out to anyone trying for a baby and not succeeding. It’s so hard to think of anything else with the constant baby reminders all over the place. Good luck and I will pop over and have a read of your blog in the next day or two. xx
I have never experienced this but I really hope this happens for you guys! I am firm a believer of things will happen when they’re MEANT to happen you know? Thanks so much for linking up! #MMWBH
Author
Thanks Deborah – I try to think like that too – hard though! x
Oh Caroline, sorry I am only just catching up with your blog after being away. I didn’t realise that you were going through this- I have no words as I don’t know what you are going through, but just wanted to send you my love. x
Author
Thanks Katie – that’s really lovely of you to say. I have good days and bad days and days where I just want to pour my feelings into a blog post. Hopefully, one day soon, my posts will be all about the pros and cons of dribble bibs!x