With what will most likely be my last pregnancy coming to an end, I am beginning to wonder if I am too old to start again. I don’t mean on the baby making front, oh no! I’m talking about my ‘career’. I use inverted commas as I don’t feel like I’ve had a career since 2011.
Following the birth of my son I went back to work within a matter of weeks and continued to progress in a role I thought I’d be in for years to come. Fast forward to November 2012 and the birth of my daughter I started a new role. It was more money, more travelling and generally more responsibility but it never suited me and this is the point at which I started to fall out of love with my career. I missed my daughter weaning, walking and generally growing up. I was there at weekends but I was’t really instrumental in making those daily decisions for her.
Leaping another four years forward I am still in the same role, for the same company albeit my working hours and responsibilities have changed somewhat. I am a week away from maternity leave and facing a four year stretch of childcare – geez I make it sound like a prison sentence….
But…..what happens in 2020 when we’re waiting to hear what school Baby M has been allocated? What are my plans come September of that year? I’ll be 36 when my youngest starts school – in my mind this is no age and I could easily have another 15 years of work ahead of me. But doing what?
I’m not the person I was in 2009 pre-children. That person wanted to work in a corporate environment and sit around meeting tables. Now all I want to do is make sure I’m at the school gates for my kids ride home. I doubt I’ll ever go back to working a full time office job. It just doesn’t work for us. Matt works hours which are longer than 9-5 and so I will always be responsible for school runs. So that basically means I find a job between the hours of 9:30-2:30 or I work from home.
I don’t, as far as I can tell, have any major talents. I feel I haven’t found the vocation which sparks excitement in me. I’ve always loved creative roles and feel I made many mistakes in my educational choices as a youngster. I chose an academic route i.e. university when I think, with hindsight, I would have been more suited to a hands on, vocational qualification or work based learning programme such as an apprenticeship. I know I’m in danger of sounding old but kids these days seem to have much greater access to a variety of career paths.For example, nurses have access to nursing recruitment agencies like Day Webster to find work easier.
For now I am just at the thinking stage, I’m certainly in no state mentally or physically to make definite decisions about the future. For now, at least, I need to be a mum. I need to cherish the last few weeks with Logan and Florence and rest. I need to wash tiny clothes and work out how to shave the areas I can’t reach. I love to do too much and tire myself out but during this pregnancy my body is having none of it. Everyday, like clockwork, I hit the 2pm wall and my body says enough is enough.