Am I too old to start again?

With what will most likely be my last pregnancy coming to an end, I am beginning to wonder if I am too old to start again.  I don’t mean on the baby making front, oh no! I’m talking about my ‘career’.  I use inverted commas as I don’t feel like I’ve had a career since 2011.

Following the birth of my son I went back to work within a matter of weeks and continued to progress in a role I thought I’d be in for years to come. Fast forward to November 2012 and the birth of my daughter I started a new role. It was more money, more travelling and generally more responsibility but it never suited me and this is the point at which I started to fall out of love with my career.  I missed my daughter weaning, walking and generally growing up. I was there at weekends but I was’t really instrumental in making those daily decisions for her.

Leaping another four years forward I am still in the same role, for the same company albeit my working hours and responsibilities have changed somewhat.  I am a week away from maternity leave and facing a four year stretch of childcare – geez I make it sound like a prison sentence….

But…..what happens in 2020 when we’re waiting to hear what school Baby M has been allocated? What are my plans come September of that year? I’ll be 36 when my youngest starts school – in my mind this is no age and I could easily have another 15 years of work ahead of me. But doing what?

I’m not the person I was in 2009 pre-children.  That person wanted to work in a corporate environment and sit around meeting tables. Now all I want to do is make sure I’m at the school gates for my kids ride home. I doubt I’ll ever go back to working a full time office job.  It just doesn’t work for us.  Matt works hours which are longer than 9-5 and so I will always be responsible for school runs. So that basically means I find a job between the hours of 9:30-2:30 or I work from home.

I don’t, as far as I can tell, have any major talents.  I feel I haven’t found the vocation which sparks excitement in me.  I’ve always loved creative roles and feel I made many mistakes in my educational choices as a youngster. I chose an academic route i.e. university when I think, with hindsight, I would have been more suited to a hands on, vocational qualification or work based learning programme such as an apprenticeship. I know I’m in danger of sounding old but kids these days seem to have much greater access to a variety of career paths.For example, nurses have access to nursing recruitment agencies like Day Webster to find work easier.

For now I am just at the thinking stage, I’m certainly in no state mentally or physically to make definite decisions about the future.  For now, at least, I need to be a mum.  I need to cherish the last few weeks with Logan and Florence and rest. I need to wash tiny clothes and work out how to shave the areas I can’t reach. I love to do too much and tire myself out but during this pregnancy my body is having none of it.  Everyday, like clockwork, I hit the 2pm wall and my body says enough is enough.

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7 Comments

  1. March 10, 2016 / 11:34 am

    I really enjoyed reading this post. I definitely don’t think you are too old, but completely understand that when you have little ones too, that they will always come first so sometimes your career has to take a back seat. I have one daughter at the moment and we have been chatting a lot lately about having a second baby and I can’t decide if I want to return to work or not after a second. I also feel like you, that I don’t have any in particular that I’m ‘good’ at. Frustrating when you’re married to someone who seems to be good at everything!! haha. xo

  2. March 10, 2016 / 11:39 am

    it is interesting how much motherhood changes your perspective of work and what you want to do. You do have plenty of time though! I haven’t thought too much about it yet as my youngest is still quite small. I am working part time at the moment though, around the kids, and think I’ll keep doing that for a while x

  3. March 10, 2016 / 12:16 pm

    I definitely don’t think u will be too old to restart your career. Once I’ve finished having kids then I’ll be looking for work and finding a career in something I will love. Although I am younger than u I still believe that you can career wise still change and restart no matter what age.

  4. March 10, 2016 / 2:48 pm

    I don’t think you are too old at all! I think you can re-start your life from any age, however I would agree that it gets more daunting as you get older. H x

  5. March 10, 2016 / 4:00 pm

    Its so tough isn’t it. i hope we’ll all be able to find the perfect job x

  6. March 11, 2016 / 10:35 am

    I completely understand where you are coming from also took a similar route to you – going into the corporate world when I wish i’d done something else. I became a commercial litigator and wish so much i had done something creative or had done and English Degree and become an english teacher. Now I am 32 and i still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up? I want to write and know I can always do that for pleasure, but am I too old for a career change? I hope we’re not xx

  7. March 12, 2016 / 9:25 pm

    I know exactly where you’re coming from. It is such a hard place to be in, and very tricky to figure out; a job whose hours suit, but is also enjoyable. Preferably good employers who are understanding about school holidays. And don’t mind if you need to leave early if your kid is sick. And so on. I keep putting off thinking about it as it confuses me too much! Xx

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