Yesterday I had my Laparoscopy Pre-op assessment clinic appointment. I received a letter about a month ago with the appointment details on and also confirmation that my surgery would be on 22nd July.

The letter didn’t really explain much about the pre-op but I hit up Google and learnt that it would be a basic check of my height, weight, blood pressure and an assessment of my general health.

My appt was at 11:30am and Matt came with me just for a bit of support. Upon arrival I completed a medical questionnaire and waited for about 20 minutes before I was called into a room by a friendly female nurse. She talked through the day of the op and explained that I could have breakfast before 8am but after that just water. I’m going to be starving!!! Anyway, I’ll be operated on sometime between 2-5pm and will have to stay in hospital for a minimum of 2-3hrs afterwards for recovery. Part of the recovery means they want to see you move around, go to the toilet, eat, drink and generally function as a normal human.  The nurse also explained that I had to have someone with me continuously for 24hrs after the op otherwise they’d have to admit me (laparoscopies are generally day cases).  Matt confirmed he would be with me and I’m very happy about that. It’s not very often you get some quality time with your husband whilst he does all the housework 😉

The nurse asked if we had any questions and we did. I asked what would happen if I started my period and she advised I contact my consultants secretary to see if they wanted to reschedule the op or provide me with a tablet to postpone my period.   Matt asked when I could drink alcohol next…..he knows me so well. Actually he did have a reason for asking, we’re off to a wedding two days after the op and I’m unlikely to avoid a glass of wine! The nurse advised that as long as I was off the painkillers I could partake. Woooo

After I saw the nurse I had my blood taken to check my thyroid function amongst other things and then had a series of checks on my height, weight and weirdly swabs up my nose and along the leg/bikini line crease. He didn’t tell me what they were for and to be honest he was such a strange little man I tried to avoid talking. At one point he asked me if I’d had ‘breast surgery’ before! I was so shocked I just said no! I think he needs to check what a laparoscopy is!!

We left hospital within an hour of arriving and now I’m just trying to get mentally prepared for next Wednesday.

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I’m not entirely sure where the time goes but it’s been about six weeks since I wrote an update on trying to conceive baby number 3.  In that six weeks I haven’t had a period.  For a week or two I was kidding myself we’d actually conceived but after a couple of pregnancy tests I was put quite straight on the matter.  I even had ‘line eye’ and swore I could see a second line.  Wanting something so bad you swear you can see it, pulling tests out the bin to check and check again.  I feel like a woman possessed sometimes. They say, statistically, men think about sex every seven seconds but I’d hazard a guess that I think about getting pregnant every three seconds.

I had a whole bunch of cheap ovulation predictor kit tests (OPKs) and I have read on numerous forums that these can often be a tell tale sign of pregnancy if taken towards the end of your cycle.  So one Sunday afternoon, towards the end of my usually long cycle, I took an OPK test and there was a faint line.  I couldn’t help but get a little excited.  It couldn’t possibly mean I was ovulating or about to ovulate so late in my cycle surely?  We bought a pregnancy test that day and I took it on the Monday morning…..negative.  Not a great start to the week.  Stupidly I told myself it was probably too early and took another OPK towards the end of the week – the test line was stronger then the control line and I was completely flummoxed. I told Matt and we assumed I was ovulating late.  However, in the meantime I also read more research on Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and found out my about the hormonal imbalance and how this can actually give false readings on OPKs.  Great.  It could all mean nothing.

As I write this post I am on cycle day 56.  I had horrendous back aches and cramp last night and curled up on the sofa with a hot water bottle.  It’s getting worse isn’t it? My PCOS is getting worse. I’ve always had a period, yeh it might have been 35-40 days apart but I’ve always had them.  But now, nothing. At least I had hopes of conceiving before but now? What’s happening? I don’t think I even ovulate any more.  I feel like a broken woman.  Someone’s taken away the bit that makes me female.

On the slightly less dull side, I have had an appointment through from the hospital regarding my surgery, I have a date set for my Laparoscopy.  The pre-op clinc appointment is to be on 16th July and the operation on 22nd July.  I’ve been googling to read up on the procedure and the recovery time as I have a wedding to attend on the 24th July. I’m not too worried about the surgery at the moment but I have read that my stomach could be swollen for days afterwards…..this does not make dress shopping easy!

I don’t have any pretty pictures for these updates and I could post pictures of the tests I have taken but why bother when they have really meant nothing.

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A month has passed since I wrote my first Trying to Conceive update and I had hoped to update a little more regularly but everything’s just sort of……..stopped.

The waiting for an appointment at the hospital or for one of those super swimmers to reach an egg is comparable to walking up the downwards escalator.

Can you tell I’m feeling negative today??

A very close person to me has recently found out she’s pregnant after nigh on a decade of suffering from Polycystic Ovaries and absent periods.  When she found out she was pregnant she’d not had a period for a few months.  So I guess never say ‘never’.

Having a third baby means so much more to me than just expanding the family.  It would signify the end of a chapter that I’d like to lock shut forever. A new beginning, fresh thoughts, new goals and a passion for life.  It’s been well over a year now and I am still sat in the waiting room.

So much, in my mind, hinges on when I get pregnant.  Imagine sitting and watching the lottery draw with an endless stream of tickets….that.

Everyday I sit in my little office at home and watch the postie pull up in his little Red van.  It stops literally outside my office window and I never really know whether to raise a smile, wave or just pretend I don’t see him.  Wondering if I’ll be opening a hospital appointment is all I can think about for those few moments but when he walks by without stopping at our house it’s like a right kick in the teeth.

But, at the same time I’m anxious.

What if, after my laparoscopy, I’m told I can’t or will struggle to conceive naturally? What then? Do I pretend I don’t want another child? Do we save up for IVF?

I’ve always tried to maintain that what will be will be and what happens in life usually happens for a reason so why throw money at something or someone that’s not here? That money could buy my son his first car or my daughters first year at university.

I’ll tell you why.  Because I feel like someone is missing.  I’ve imagined that tiny person in my arms so many times they’re almost real and I already miss them.

Super Busy Mum
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It’s been four weeks now since I was diagnosed with poly cystic ovaries and therefore one month closer to my operation.  If you aren’t quite up to speed, I am due to undergo a laparoscopy which will hopefully flush my fallopian tubes through and make a lovely clear path for a little egg.  To be clear, the PCOS does not cause the tubes to block, the consultant is just a little concerned there may be damage there from a previous infection.  Once the operation is complete, dependent on the success, I will be provided with a course of Clomid to stimulate my ovaries.

From the myriad of blood tests I have done over the last few months my consultant noted my thyroid function test was a little on the high side at 3.5 so it was requested that I repeat this test.  The result came back at 4.7 which shocked me a little.  The condition is known as hypothyroidism and basically means I have an underactive thyroid which doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormone (thyroxine). I joked that I would now join the dole queue as it seemed to be a legitimate reason to receive benefits instead of earn a living if these Channel 4 documentaries are anything to go by.

Every morning I pop my happy pill.  I call it a happy pill as the symptoms of hypothyroidism include tiredness, depression and weight gain. In a way I was relieved to receive the medication.  I had been walking around for some months with what felt like a little black cloud following me around.  it wasn’t always there but when it was my goodness it was dark.  My husband will attest to this.  I’ve only been on the medication a couple of weeks now and I think I am noticing a difference.  I haven’t felt that heavy depression for a while.

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